In celebration of World Breastfeeding Week, I’m joining with many other moms who are sharing stories about breastfeeding experiences.
My husband and I had to wait a while before conceiving; once we knew we were expecting, I gathered as much information as I could about “what to expect.” My brain operates on facts; I often joke that I “research things to death,” but I’m only half-joking.
We attended classes about the labor and delivery process, baby care, and breastfeeding. We hired a doula and wrote a birth plan declaring our desires for a natural birth. We cornered friends with kids and asked them countless questions. It seemed straightforward in my mind: yes, caring for an infant would be new territory, but if my husband and I just gathered enough information, we should be prepared. Right?
We decided on cloth diapers for our baby registry, and chose organic options for many other items. One item not on the registry was a bottle warmer, or even very many bottles. We had grand plans for breastfeeding.
My daughter arrived after 38.5 weeks gestation, via induction, which was not in our birth plan. We had put in our birth plan that we wanted a lactation consultant to visit only after the first 24 hours of the baby’s life. This was recommended by the instructor of our breastfeeding class, but in hindsight, made no sense at all. Even if breastfeeding had been going well, it would have been helpful to have reassurance from a professional. But it wasn’t going well at all, and we could have used help a lot earlier.
By the time we saw an IBCLC, my skin was shredded and bleeding. I was in excruciating pain and dreading each time my daughter wanted to nurse. Every time she latched, I asked the nurses for help. They all said her latch looked fine, and I probably just needed to get used to it. By the time the hospital’s IBCLC arrived, I was bawling because I desperately wanted to breastfeed, but didn’t think I could continue. I felt like a failure for wanting to give up.
Breastfeeding should not hurt. A little uncomfortable at first? Maybe. But not pain.
Pain is a sign that something is wrong. In our case, it was the start of a 5-month journey to consult every specialist within about an hour’s drive of our home: repeated visits with hospital and independent IBCLC’s, other lactation consultants, a pediatric chiropractor, a cranio-sacral therapist, and a highly-recommended feeding team of speech therapist, occupational therapist, and lactation consultant at another hospital. My daughter was also evaluated by doctors from our pediatrician’s office, a dentist who did tongue-tie revisions, and an ENT. The lactation consultants and speech therapist all suspected tongue tie, but the doctors insisted there was none. By the time my daughter had grown big enough and strong enough to be capable of nursing, she was so accustomed to the bottle that she was no longer interested. I was crushed. Two years later, when my newborn son also struggled to nurse, we learned both kids had Class IV tongue ties, which are the most challenging to diagnose, and therefore, most often missed.
Sadly, this is still the state of affairs in many areas across the U.S. The medical community in general is not adequately educated about breastfeeding and how it can be affected by many different factors.
“In four years of medical school and five years of residency training, I received exactly 0 lectures on breastfeeding. It’s appalling.” ~Dr. Ghaheri
I still talk to many moms who describe telltale signs of tongue tie, but have been told by doctors that there is nothing wrong with their baby’s ability to nurse. This leaves many moms searching for answers, feeling like they must be doing something wrong.
It’s a very lonely feeling, especially when your friends and family have generally been able to breastfeed with few or no problems. Once we learned my daughter was unable to effectively transfer milk directly from the breast, I made the choice to pump full-time for her. It was not an easy road, and I know it’s not for everyone. But I was determined to give my baby the best I possibly could, and I had immeasurable support from my husband and a small group of friends. Even so, I was only able to produce a fraction of the food my daughter needed. I was devastated that we had to turn to formula, but my baby had to eat.
There is no judgment here. I don’t believe formula is evil. In fact, I grew to be thankful for it, recognizing that before formula existed, babies like mine sometimes died. But I had set my heart on breastfeeding, and my heart broke when I couldn’t. I envied how easy it was for so many around me, especially as I went to meetings of natural-parenting support groups. They all sat happily nursing their babies, but when mine was hungry, I had to fumble with a bottle.
I still mourn the loss of a breastfeeding relationship, but I bonded with my infant daughter in other ways. I share my story not to scare anyone away from breastfeeding, but to encourage moms to seek help and trust their instincts when they know something isn’t right. There is hope! Tongue ties can be corrected in the vast majority of cases, but it is absolutely vital to get the right diagnosis and perform the revision as early as possible, for the physical and emotional health of both baby and mom. Following are some excellent resources on tongue ties, to help and support moms who suspect it might be an issue.
www.drghaheri.com has a lot of information about tongue tie anatomy, diagnosis, effects on mom and baby, and treatment. It’s a great place to start.
tonguetie.net provides information and support for individuals affected by tongue tie, and their families.
kellymom.com is a wealth of information on breastfeeding and many different situations a mom might encounter. While tongue tie is fairly common, it is not the only thing that can interfere with proper breastfeeding. And sometimes, there is absolutely nothing wrong and a new mom just needs reassurance. Kellymom.com discusses what is normal and what is not, and provides valuable information and support for any breastfeeding mom.
